Flashing Lights of Emotional Abuse

May 4, 2011
Nafia Khan

Victims of verbal or emotional abuse often become isolated, unable to confide in family or friends about the abuse. - Luis Sarabia

Sometimes the worst kind of abuse is from the tongue of a romantic partner. Recognizing the signs of emotional or verbal abuse is the first step to healing.

What is emotional abuse?

According to the Brigham Young University Womens Services, emotional abuse is when an abuser tries to hurt his or her partner by manipulating or invalidating him or her. Both men and women are victims of emotional, verbal and physical abuse.

Some typical warning signs of emotional abuse involve a partner doing one or more of the following:

name-calling, blaming, ordering or making threatening remarks
belittling, arguing or insulting in public or private
mood changes (sudden angry outbursts, etc.)
controlling or dominating behavior, holding one's partner responsible for one's happiness, etc.

Who is affected?

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1 in 4 women are victims of domestic violence. Both men and women in adult relationships can be victims of emotional or verbal abuse. It can be in both a dating setting or in a marriage.

In his book, Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse, Greg Jantz says it's important to recognize that emotional abuse is an advertent attack on a victim so that the abuser can control him or her.

What happens to the victim?

According to Beverly Engel, the victim will be suffering from low self-worth and self-esteem. Many times the victim feels he/she must remain in the relationship because the individual feels like the abuse is his/her fault. It is, in fact, not the victim's fault, as abusers prey on people they find vulnerable or easy targets. Often times, the victim falls into depression or considers suicide as their way out of the situation.

How can I help?

Being there for the victim is crucial. Although you may not be aware of how to directly help, you can empathize.

Of course, not everyone is professionally licensed to take care of someone encountering such serious matters. For that reason, there are plenty of resources available for victims to seek assistance.

Resources

Seeking the help of a therapist or counselor may be helpful. To look for one in your area, speak with your medical doctor or check for resources online.

Sources

Engel, Beverly. The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons, 2002. 12-13. Print.
Jantz, Gregory L. Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse. Grand Rapids, MI: F.H. Revell, 1995. 12-13. Print.
NCADV Fact Sheet. National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, July 2007. Web. 4 May 2011.
Smith, Melinda, and Jeanne Segal. "Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships." Helpguide.org: Expert, Ad-free Articles Help Empower You with Knowledge, Support & Hope. Help Guide, Mar. 2011. Web. 04 May 2011.
" Warnings Signs of Emotional Abuse." Brigham Young University Womens Services. Web. 3 May 2011.